This is a warning to everyone in a relationship, but mostly to girls in relationships: Don’t believe anything Orianthi has to tell you.

I’ve been driving around listening to an Orianthi song called "According to You" for the past month. This isn’t by choice; my car radio seems to be incapable of playing anything else, any other music or talk or beautiful, beautiful, soothing static.

The song petulantly decries the troubles of a lovelorn young woman; she is in the throes of an unsatisfying (perhaps bordering on abusive) relationship; she feels unloved, unappreciated, unwanted by her current lover. However, she meets someone that (ostensibly) loves, appreciates and worships her as she (ostensibly) deserves – don’t we all, ideally, I suppose, when it comes to the person with whom we’re closest. Instead of leaving the old and running off with the new, she decides tell the old, loudly and boldly that, look there is someone out there to appreciates me, so you should, too. Or I’m gonna go fuck him:

Which brings us to our lesson for the day. Go fuck this new guy, fine. Leave the abusive old guy, absolutely. But don’t do either because you think the new guy is going to be better than the old guy. Odds are – and I’ve done research on this – that the new guy is just as big of a douche fountain as the old guy.

Secondly, your logic is borderline absurd. Your currently boyfriend should appreciate you because some other random Joe Six Pack does? Should Julliard grant me a scholarship because my mom says I have the best arabesque since Anna Pavlova? 

On top of that, complaining to your boyfriend is just proving his point, if not provoking him further. Stop it. If you want him to appreciate you more, stop changing your mind and start showing up on time. We both know what you really need to do is get nice and drunk and sleep with that other guy and leave this guy because (and I hate to get all Greg Behrendt here) it’s already over.

Now, please let me listen to something else.