Madame Speaker, I ask unanimous consent to revise and extend my remarks in opposition/support to this flawed/necessary health care bill.

The following is an account of a day spent watching C-SPAN. The day was yesterday, when new health care legislation that was passed by the US Senate last year was passed by the US House of Representatives. Historical or not, it’s a great way to spend a Sunday. We begin with the general debate.

7:11 pm ET: Republican Rep. Joe Barton seen in obnoxious tiger (growl) tie. Previously yielded the floor to the gentleman from the "Keystone State," now yields the floor to the gentleman from the "Blue Grass State."

7:13 pm ET: Rep. Edward Markey says that GOP used to stand for Grand Old Party. It now stands for Grandstand Oppose Postpone. Zinger.

7:14 pm ET: Rep Edward Markey is told to heed the gavel when he goes over his time. Jeers from the right. Rep. Barton asks if Markey could repeat what he said because he couldn’t hear. Laughter. Rep. Barton yields a minute to the gentleman from the "Grand Canyon State." Barton knows his state nicknames.

7:15 pm ET: Rep. John Shadegg says this bill will destroy America. Scary.

7:17 pm ET: Rep Anna Eshoo says the human body holds the soul. Scary. Members are reminded (again) to heed the gavel. No one cares about Madame Speaker’s gavel.

7:18 pm ET: Sonny Bono’s former wife says a minute’s worth of crap.

7:24 pm ET: Democratic Rep. Eliot Engel says that his friends in the Republican party did do crap when President Bush was in power.

7:25 pm ET: Rep. Barton yields thirty seconds to the gentleman from Oklahoma, proving that he does not know that Oklahoma is the Sooner State.

7:29 pm ET: Madame Speaker admonishes people for gossiping in the aisles in the back of the room. Come on lady, it’s not like this is the Senate.

7:31 pm ET: Barton yields to the gentleman from the Corn Husker State. Is that Guam?

7:33 pm ET: Democratic Rep. Henry Waxman (yeah LA!) has the best moustache in the room.

7:33 pm ET: Rep. Mike Doyle holds up a shitty photo of a late pizza delivery driver whose job made him too much money to qualify for Medicaid. That’s why he died.

7:38 pm ET: The gentlewoman from Illinois is reminded to heed the gavel. Dude from Texas suggests that with this bill you will get your health care, all right, but you may be getting your prenatal care from Turbo Tax. The floor jeers. But I have no idea why it is funny or what he means.

7:42 pm ET: Rep. Barton yields the floor to himself and says that this health care bill sucks because it won’t last and it reignites the abortion debate. Heaven forbid we should talk about abortion.

7:48 pm ET: Rep. Wally Herger (CA) looks like a cartoon character. Also has the name of a cartoon character.

7:50 pm ET: Rep. John Lewis calls Madame Speaker either "Mr. Speaker" or "Mrs. Speaker." Oops. He goes on to yell with vigor into the microphone, ending with "Give health care a chance!"

7:55 – 8:16 pm ET: Democrats are taking away the will of the American people. Let the American people speak! Don’t they know that the American people are far too busy with NASCAR on Sundays? (Is that why they held the vote today?)

8:17 pm ET: Rep. Geoff Davis (KY) has the abject audacity to say that this administration marks the largest transfer of power to the executive branch in the history of this republic. Rep. Davis must have been vacationing in a dark, airless crevice in Dick Cheney’s ass for the past decade.

8:26 pm ET: This health care bill has now been called Obama Care, Pelosi Care, Unconstitutional and the end of American Society as we know it.

8:34 pm ET: Dying to see Michele Bachmann. Where is that crazy bitch?

8:55 pm ET: Bachmann has arrived! Sitting behind the republican side, which is currently run by Rep. Paul Ryan (WI), the Budget Committee Raking Member.

9:05 pm ET: Spent the last ten minutes watching Bachmann in the background and wondering what crazy-ass thoughts are flying around her mediocre mind.

9:09 pm ET: Rep. Ryan just called the present male speaker "Madame Speaker." No one cares about gavel or the gender of the person running the show.

9:15 pm ET: Why don’t they have C-SPAN in high def.?

9:20 pm ET: Rep. Mike Pace (IN) citing the bible. He’s a republican; or was that understood?

9:22 pm ET: The gentleman from South Carolina has asked how much time he has left four times in the last four minutes.

9:29 pm ET: Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers says the American people are against the bill. Says it will cost too much when we are already running a deficit.

9:30 pm ET: Rep. Allyson Schwartz says this bill is the largest deficit reduction measure in nearly a generation.

9:31 pm ET: Either someone is lying, someone is wrong, or someone is insane.

9:44 pm ET: The term "doughnut hole" has been used ad nausea. We’re all going to die. Doughnut Hole, Bitches!

9:55 pm ET: Some dude just tried to waste ten minutes by asking the Speaker questions. He was told that the Speaker was sure the gentleman knew the answers already.

10:00 pm ET: New leader for most obnoxious tie. Rep. Grayson (FL)

10:04 pm ET: Rep. John Boehner, Minority Leader, at the mic. C-SPAN needs more mics around the House to better pick up the jeers.

10:05 pm ET: Boehner says that no one in this body (the House) thinks that this bill is satisfactory. Something tells me he is dead-on correct, but that at this point it does not matter.

10:07 pm ET: Boehner going NUTS! Love it. Just said "hell no!" twice in a row. Made the Speaker remind both sides to remember the dignity of the House.

10:08 pm ET: Boehner wants the House to stand in front of the American people and announce their votes one at a time. I am starting to like this guy. However: I kinda feel like standing in front of the American people and stating their support or objection is precisely what we’ve been witnessing for the last three hours.

10:09 pm ET: Boehner asks the Speaker if he would be willing to take a vote by roll call. The Speaker replies that the chair will decide on vote by roll at the time the request is made and this is not it. This is, however, a fascinating tactic of congress that I don’t understand.

10:12 pm ET: Went to the kitchen to get a pickle.

10:13 pm ET: Pickle eating complete. Yum.

10:15 pm ET: Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, in the hizzy!

10:20 pm ET: Pelosi is one of the worse orators in politics today. She has no passion. She has no rhythm. She’s been talking about how this bill will help our economy, but I don’t know why because I’m suddenly so tired.

10:28 pm ET: For godssake, Pelosi is still talking. She is comparing the health care bill to Medicare and Social Security. Can’t wait to pay as much for health care as I do for social security.

10:30 pm ET: Debate time has expired along with Michael Moore’s ticker.

10:31 pm ET: We love these YEAS and NOS as they are yelled. Boehner back at the mic asking for a roll call. He’s denied. This is getting good. Too bad he was denied though.

10:32 pm ET: Voting begins…

10:34 pm ET: 165 YEA; 137 NO…

10:36 pm ET: 180 YEA; 154 NO… Bachmann can’t find the ladies room again.

10:38 pm ET: 185 YEA; 164 NO…

10:40 pm ET: 196 YEA; 176 NO… Was hoping for a closer game than this.

10:42 pm ET: 208 YEA; 183 NO…

10:44 pm ET: 209 YEA; 196 NO…

10:45 pm ET: Health care legislation passed. Final vote: 219-212.

10:55 pm ET: Abortion. Abortion. Abortion. The number of times politicians who don’t really care at all have hidden behind unborn children… this place has turned into a madhouse. It’s fantastic.

11:01 pm ET: Someone shouted "BABY KILLER" at Rep. Bart Stupak, the man who opposed abortion enough to get Barack Obama to issue an executive order to change the bill (essentially). Same thing was yelled at us in high school when we wanted to take the soda machines out of the lunchroom.

11: 02 pm ET: Regarding the republican motion to make changes to the health care legislation, so that government funds are not used for abortions, Rep. Bart Stupak: "This motion is to politicize life, not to prioritize life." Well put, sir.

11:30 pm ET: After Boehner demanded an electronic vote, the motion to change the bill is shot down. It’s over.