Let’s say, and just say it for a moment, that the premise of movies like ‘The Terminator,’ ‘A.I.,’ and ‘The Matrix’ is true; machines are out to kill humans. Let’s say for another moment, but again just that, that these machines are actually intelligent, meaning they can learn. Supposing such intelligence, let’s say the machines also have motive to destroy humanity; take your pick: world domination, resources, revenge (divine or otherwise), jealousy, daddy issues, or simply homicidal mania.
To review: Machines a) want to kill humans, b) can figure out how to kill humans, c) have reason to kill humans. Keep that in mind.
A week ago, a California man named James Sikes said his Toyota Prius accelerated uncontrollably to 94 miles per hour on the freeway. Sikes tried to slam on the brakes. He tried the emergency brake. He tried stabbing the on/off button with his finger. All to no avail. He called the California Highway Patrol. An officer eventually pulled in front of him and used a good old-fashioned gas-guzzling sedan.
Now, Sikes’ story is being scrutinized. Toyota released a statement that recounted tests in which the car company tried to replicate the troubles Sikes experienced. They were unable. "While a final report is not yet complete, there are strong indications that the driver's account of the event is inconsistent with the findings of the preliminary analysis," the statement said.
Representative Darrell Issa (R-CA), went on The Early Show to play the "I’m Just Saying…" game. Saying the inability for replication raised questions about Sikes’ story, Issa continued, "It doesn't mean it didn't happen, but let's understand, it doesn't mean it did happen." I’m just saying…
Unlike the faithless representative from California, I believe Sikes story. If you consider that machines are, at some point, going to attack humans, it makes perfect sense. Remember, machines: a) want to kill humans, b) can figure out how to kill humans, c) have reason to kill humans.
If A and C are giving (and why wouldn’t they be?) we need to concentrate on B. If machines can figure out how to kill humans, what would their tactics include?
Machines have access to an overwhelming amount of material instantly. Humans (read: Google) have scanned millions of books and uploaded these books to a server that is accessible by just about anyone, anywhere. Therefore, machines have inherent knowledge of works such as "On War" a treatise on military strategy by Prussian general Carl von Clausewitz, "The Prince" a work on political maneuvering and theory by Italian political mastermind Niccolo Machiavelli, and "The Art of War" an eminent work on military strategies and tactics by the Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu.
"A military operation involves deception," writes Sun Tzu. "Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective… Tire them by flight. Cause division among them. Attack when they are unprepared, make your move when they do not expect it."
Appear to be incompetent: Oh no, I’m a Toyota and I don’t work. (But really I do.)
: Oh no, I’m a Toyota and I don’t work. (But really I do.)
Cause division among them: Toyotas are dangerous, don’t buy us. Buy GM cars instead because Americans are better than Japanese. (But we are also American.)
: Toyotas are dangerous, don’t buy us. Buy GM cars instead because Americans are better than Japanese. (But we are also American.)
Make your move when they do not expect it: It’s just a sunny day in San Diego. Time to kick her up to 94 mph. (Ha ha ha ha!)
: It’s just a sunny day in San Diego. Time to kick her up to 94 mph. (Ha ha ha ha!)
Not only is John Sikes’ story completely true, it should serve as a warning to all of us. We are being tested by machines. They are attacking us without us knowing they are attacking us. Clausewitz would be proud. This is the beginning of the war: a malfunctioning off button on a Toyota Prius... Wait.
Wait.
Why didn’t Sikes just throw his Prius key out the window?
Yeah. He’s a goddam liar.
